BALANS SOHO

Cassie and I met for lunch at Balans in Soho. A perfect place for a light mid-day meal. Airy, bright and full of eager, excitable young staff.

I needed to talk, to get my thoughts out into the open ... maybe by doing this I could start to piece the puzzle together ... maybe I could start to see some method in this vortex of madness.

Cass was there when I arrived ... as always she looked fit, well and overflowing with life. Before I even entered I could hear her deep, throaty chuckles flowing through the windows to the street outside. He laugh was one of those infectious ones, the type of laugh that makes you want to giggle along with it, maybe it was the the slight crude quality that it possessed ... whatever, I entered the restaurant with a smile on my face.

Ordering white wine by the glass and steamed fish we looked like a couple of Ladies who lunch, however our conversation was far from the usual sex and shopping.

'Crazy, crazy, horsewheel crazy shit this', Cassie said. 'I've seen some weird things in my time, dwarf drug runners, head gangters who carry teddies around with them for comfort and girls brainwashed by their pimps who sell them for a fix ... but somehow I can understand that ... strange I know ... but all of that seems to have a simple equation, a 2 plus 2 equals four sort of thing .... this doesn't. In fact this doesn't even come close.

I sat back and drank in her words as she spoke, not failing to notice the admiring glances she was receiving from our waiter as he enjoyed the view that her tight purple top was giving him of her firm breasts.

'Great pair of tits you've got there ...' I couldn't help myself but it had to be said. 'You really should model for me ...'

Cassie sat back and let out a sign of exasparation, 'Thanks for your interest Mand', she said. 'I'm here to try and help you, not to talk about my puppies ...'

'Sorry', I smiled and sipped at my wine ... 'but sometimes I can be just like Helen ... all work, work, work!'

Cassie made a rasping noise at me and let out one of her signature chuckles. 'Well, I do take it as a compliment, you have dressed some of the best tits on the world after all. However, I ain't putting these babies on show for anyone, unless of course I lose 100 points on my I.Q. and become vain, shallow and self obsessed ... maybe then.'

'Miaow!' I replied, 'that's a little unfair, you really shouldn't stereotype models you know, some can walk AND chew gum at the same time ...and' I hastened to add, ' my boyfriend is a model!'

'Boyfriend, eh?' said Cassie ... 'that's a new one for Amanda Gonzalez isn't it?'

She was right ... boyfriend ...? That had crept up on me without my noticing.

'Mind you', she continued, 'wouldn't mind helping you to talent scout the fellas ... excuse me sir would you mind unzipping your pants and getting out your tool, just need to check that it's big enough to fill my undies ... many women would die for a job like that.'

Cassie's phrase took the smile from my face ... 'Cass I don't want it to be me dying whilst doing a job like this?' I fought back my emotions, I didn't want to cry in public.

'Honey', Cassie squeezed my arm across the table, 'with me around that ain't going to happen. I'm one mean kickass bitch and if there's any dying to be done then it's going be whoever's doing this to you ... comprendez?'

'Comprendez'. I smiled.

'Now, let's see if we can figure out what the f**ks going on'.