A NUN LIED TO ME!

Tomas and I settled back - the thought of watching a few hours of meaningless television seemed rather enticing right now.

'A bit like meaningless sex,' Tomas mused, 'takes your mind off everything for a while, reduces your stress levels ... and, if done right, can be a lot of fun too!'

As Tomas is more than aware both he and I are strong advocates of the odd bout of meaningless sex ... you know the sort, no strings, no ties, no emotional involvement ... hell, no names if need be.

So who's worse then? Men or liberated women? I poured Tomas another glass of bubbly as he spoke.

'About the same', I replied ... 'Tomas, you've got to remember, women enjoy sex just as much as men but we're just cleverer about it. For years it was always a given that men were more slutty than women ... but how could they be? Unless they were all doing it with each other ....'

'No there's a thought...' cut in Tomas.

'or with a couple of women who were extremely liberal? Oh no,for every little choo choo train there has to be a choo choo tunnel for it to speed in to!'

'Freud would have a field day with you, choo choo's and tunnels, Amanda, with the amount of choo choo's that you've had the pleasure of I thought that you would at least be able to call a spade a spade by now!'

'Or a dick a dick' I replied!

We were interupted by loud hootings and cheerings from the television - 'YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE WHO LIED TO ME' was hotting up.

The host was Bettina Goodberry, a former sexpert who now hosted her own show. Small, slavic and sporting a tight bun, Bettina had undergone several extensive face-lifts ... and God knows what else ... to end up resembling a condom stretched over a shrew's skull.

Bettina was about to welcome her next guest and the TV audience was fired up and ready to be entertained.

'Welcome to my next guest Andy ...'

A young, strappingly handsome man walked onto the stage and made his way to the little cluster of seats in the centre.

'Mmmm, Andy's a dish', Tomas murmered and the show played on.

'So Andy, tell us about yourself...'

Andy shifted in his seat and started to fill Bettina and the audience in on his background, a fairly quiet upbringing in rural California ... he seemed like a nice, well brought up lad ... his belief in the United States of America and in the loving presence of God always there to re-assure him and to look after him.

'My faith and everything was shattered when I was lied to ...' Andy was fighting to hold back the tears.

'I was a lad of seventeen and a good Christian lad at that,' he continued, the audience sympathising with his ever word. 'It all changed when she lied to me!'

'Who is she?' Bettina emphasised the word 'she' her expression showed that she was spoilng for a fight.

'She ... her ... I don't know what to call her ...' Andy's words trailed off.

Bettina pulled herself up to her full five feet nothing before shouting ...

'Bring on the liar! Bring on Sister Immaculata ... oh yes ladies and gents, this handsome respectable young man lost his way and his religion when this woman lied to him. This woman tricked him into bed and turned him into a male prosititute and porn actor...!'

'I'm so ashamed, I hope my Momma can forgive me ...' Andy wept.

'Bring her on', screamed Bettina .... 'bring on the Nun!'

'Yes', choked Andy, 'bring her on, I want my life back, I don't want to be in porn anymore, I don't want to sell my body for sex... bring her on and make her explain!'

'Bring her on! Bring her on!' chanted the crowd.

'Yes, my life ended that day', Andy wheezed, 'it ended the day a nun lied to me!

The crowd went ballistic and Tomas and I creased up in hysterical laughter