SPAM AND THE GOLDEN PIG

Happy New Year everyone!

The year of the Golden Pig - one of wealth, health and prosperity for all - welcome to the Chinese New Year!

What a party we ended up having last night, and, as usual, the day did not end up as planned.

After our girl's night out at Nobu Helen and I were all set for Spamalot and Chinese New Year celebrations, so far so good! That is until Helen got the call begging her to shoot off to New York to help out on the 'From size zero to size hero' story that Chic is running in the next edition - all about a couple of heroin chic models who have got off the drugs started to eat and look a hell of a lot better for it! Good for Helen, she has always been on a crusade to stop the pressure being heaped on young women to look like skeletal icons like Victoria Beckham - go girl!

Anyway, with Helen on a transatlantic flight and Millie and Cassie still in Barcelona for the weekend that just left Nico, his pal and me.

I decided to give Spamalot a miss, I really want to go and see it with one of the girls, so I called up a very excited Tomas (my incredible and much loved second in command at Amanda, Oh!)who was over the moon about going in my place - and knowing Tomas he would probably be taking 3 men with him who would be every bit as gorgeous as Nico.

I met up with Nico and his pal Andre at the Soho House Hotel, I decided to wear a yellow, tight fitting track suit (very Uma Thurman from Kill Bill)and the evening couldn't have started better when I saw the two of them arrive. Taking me up on my suggestion of oriental themed clothing they had both come dressed in Brue Lee action clothes.

After a few cocktails we made our way into China Town to Fu King Great to eat.As we enjoyed our meal and some rice wine an ex-mega ninties girl band member who had arrived on her own came over to us. I've always had a great dislike for the bitch, over-rated, over paid and totally self-absorbed. She obviously had taken to shine to either Nico or Andre and probably thought that I was being greedy with both of them for myself.

Now, there is nothing as pitifully sad as a tiny has been still strutting around like people still care but this particular woman's head is so far up her own rear I really do believe that she still thinks that her band has retains some relevance.

Anyway, after a quick exchange of pleasantries she plonked herself down in the spare chair and helped herself to a glass of our vino. 'Oooh, child care is sooo exhausting, I never get any me time, in fact it's been ages since I had a date!' As she said this she screwed her face up into a sort of contorted grimace and squeezed Andre's upper thigh.

'Ever since I left the girl's it's just been non-stop', she whittered on, 'photoshoots, albums, concerts, is there any more of me left to give!'

I could see the boys faces glazing over as her manic, screechy voice whittered on about herself in the background.

'Amanda, if you ever want me to model for you all you have to do is ask, my rates are really good! Just look at my tits, still firm even after having a baby try to suck the life out of them. What do you think boys, want to check them out for yourselves .. Ha!Ha!only joking!'

At this point Nico and Andre pulled a fast one, Nico leaned over to Andre and gave him a kiss so passionate that it got my juices flowing - very Brokeback Mountain!

This stopped our 'guest' in her stride .... 'oh, oh ... I didn't realise. Oh .. is that Robbie over there ... haven't seen him in ages .. have to go!'

With that she legged it, sensing that a quick one with one of my hot fellas wasn't going to happen if they were into each other rather than being into the opposite sex!

Once the tiny little has been had scuttled away we all burst out laughing! 'God am I glad to see the back of her!' burst out Andre, I've never liked her - always liked the bubbly little blonde one!

'So', I said after a large gulp of rice wine, 'I guess that I'm in for a night on my own then!'

'Amanda', said Nico, 'that show was just for her, we'd be more than happy to prove that to you if you'll let us!'

... and with that the three of us hastily left the restaurant and make it back to mine and although I did get to two of them to fool around a little with each other for my personal enjoyment, I can honestly say that I started this Chinese New Year with a real bang!